Psychologist Ksenia Nadeina together with young illustrators Agnia and Sophie will tell and show how emotions work for adults and children
YOUR __ AND OTHERS’ EMOTIONS
YOUR
AND OTHERS’ EMOTIONS
AND OTHERS’ EMOTIONS
complicated thing
Any emotion
An organism has to work a lot in order to develop it. Next, it’s necessary to work more in order to be able to express it properly. And one more thing must be done (sometimes the whole life should be spent on it), that is to recognize the emotion in oneself, to understand its reasons and to express it.
In this project the psychologist, two girls (in our modest opinion, they are illustrators-beginners!) together with us will tell you about emotions and how to manage them in order to develop one’s emotional intellect.
One and the same dog arouses joy and affection in one person, in another it arouses fear and in the third one sorrow.
Emotions is one of psyche’s processes which expresses a subjective attitude of a person
to any phenomena of life.
to any phenomena of life.
is a complicated thing
is
a
a complicated thing
What happens when we want to show this or that emotion?
re-forming of the organism: pulse, blood pressure, muscles, hormones, stirring up different parts of the brain and many other things — the whole body is involved in the emotional process
appreciation of a situation and thought work: how do I appreciate what is happening?
as a result our mimicry, gestures, pose, loudness and fluency of speech tune up with our present emotion
They show the meaning of a certain event for us
Emotions make sense to everything in the world! They make different outer events colourful. As a result, with the help of emotions we can appreciate our attitude to a situation, information or people. In this case an emotion arouses automatically, and the more important is the point of reaction the brighter are our emotions.
They send us signals
Emotions inform us about our necessities and signal that there are problems. For example, you want to sleep but you have to wash up. You are washing up and at the same time you are angry because you can’t do what you want.
They help make friends
It’s easier for us to understand people whose reactions are similar to ours. And vice versa: if one’s emotional reactions don’t correspond with ours this person seems strange, incomprehensible or even dangerous to us. As a result, “birds of a feather flock together”
They allow us to communicate
We could hardly be able to communicate without emotions. Besides information we always appreciate (and we give ourselves) an emotional tinge. Do you remember when in childhood we understood the mood of our parents by their voice? Especially, of we wanted to ask for their permission to go for a walk or if they came back after the parents’ conference at school.
They write a scenario of our life
In the course of time a person is studying how different emotional processes are felt and can foretell what he/she will live through and behave having this or that emotion. Has it ever happened to you that somebody invites you to a party or to come to his/her place but you are in a bad mood? What does it mean “to be in a bad mood”? In most cases we feel that this event won’t bring us joy in our present emotional state. More often than not such a thing has already happened and you know that it’s better to stay at home. Namely emotions help you decide how to behave.
Scientists have been arguing till now on what processes to include in this notion and how to measure an emotional intellect, but there is one common point: an ability of people to recognize their emotions, to control them and be correct perceiving associates' emotions has a substantial effect on the quality of life.
An emotional intellect consists of these skills. Yes, besides a famous IQ the science highlights an emotional intellect as well.
The quality of our life mostly depends on how well we can:
express emotions
influence on our associates’ emotions
control emotions
understand our associates’ emotions
recognize our emotions
The system of education teaches us to write, count, memorize, concentrate, think logically, but hardly ever it teaches to recognize emotions. Do you, your parents, your children or nephews know how to understand:
We have not been taught how to do it. We think you and your relatives have not been taught either.
As a result, we (probably you too) often have to find out how it works and to adopt to it using the trial and error method.
As a result, we (probably you too) often have to find out how it works and to adopt to it using the trial and error method.
Which emotion are you feeling now?
How is it called?
Is it necessary to speak about it with your friend and can you do it?
Is it good or bad?
What to do if you recognized it in your friend?
How is it recognized in others?
What des it mean?
How is it spoken about?
7 BASIC EMOTIONS:
It is considered that there are
Anger
Fear
Disgust
Sorrow
Surprise
Disdain
Joy
It is considered according to one of the theories, for example, that negative emotions are more important for survival, that is why there are more of them in our life. To feel disgust to the spoilt food or to feel fear when danger is close is important for survival. You can not disagree, it does not make sense to exclude them from our life.
When these emotions are combined the whole spectrum of our feelings is being born. Just look, how many basic negative emotions there are.
Много где не принято демонстри-ровать негативные эмоции
There are a lot of places where it is not appropriate to show negative emotions
ROAD TO THE NEGATIVE
FEAR IS IMPORTANT
MORE
ANGE-E-E-E-ER!
ANGE-E-E-E-ER!
WANT TO ROAR? REVIEW!
There are a lot of places where it is not appropriate to show negative emotions. People hide them. Since time immemorial we have learnt to suppress emotions and express only those ones which society approves. You can’t be angry, to be in sorrow, is bad, “strong people do not cry”, “men do not cry”, those who “hit the rood” are easy to be manipulated. Do you know what it is like?
Imagine, that you are looking for multicoloured bits of glass polished by water and sand on the beach. But every time when you find a beautiful bright bit you are putting some big stones together with it in your basket. Usually they are either black or grey. At home you take out the beautiful bits, put them on the shelf with love. But heavy stones are left in the basket.
Time passes and you go to the beach not so often because it is difficult to carry the heavy basket. There is no place for multicoloured bits in your basket because it is full of heavy black stones.
Everything is so simple, isn’t it? It is evident that the basket must be emptied. But it’s impossible just to throw away everything that has been found. Any stone is valuable for us, for our experience like a metaphor of emotions. We should pay attention to all of them, take them, look at them, and recall where each of them has been picked up. We shall see that all of them are different, beautiful in their own way, sometimes heavy, sometimes with sharp edges.
And most importantly there was a weighty reason to pick up this stone and carry it with you for a long time. But what to do next with it?
Imagine, that you are looking for multicoloured bits of glass polished by water and sand on the beach. But every time when you find a beautiful bright bit you are putting some big stones together with it in your basket. Usually they are either black or grey. At home you take out the beautiful bits, put them on the shelf with love. But heavy stones are left in the basket.
Time passes and you go to the beach not so often because it is difficult to carry the heavy basket. There is no place for multicoloured bits in your basket because it is full of heavy black stones.
Everything is so simple, isn’t it? It is evident that the basket must be emptied. But it’s impossible just to throw away everything that has been found. Any stone is valuable for us, for our experience like a metaphor of emotions. We should pay attention to all of them, take them, look at them, and recall where each of them has been picked up. We shall see that all of them are different, beautiful in their own way, sometimes heavy, sometimes with sharp edges.
And most importantly there was a weighty reason to pick up this stone and carry it with you for a long time. But what to do next with it?
All the emotions which have never been expressed and lived through become a heavy load in our state of mind. In the course of time we spend so much strength to keep it inside and have no energy for new emotions and our life is getting darker.
Yes, in order to feel positive emotions it’s necessary to feel negative ones too. Our sensations are getting neutral, they lack sensitivity without negative emotions.
Move emotions to live them all
We get a lot of limitations, connected with an expression of emotions
A child was crying loudly in a shop, he was sworn at and explained that he was bothering others
A child was getting angry and throwing toys at his parents – he was explained that it was bad to be angry with his parents and to throw toys.
All these "must not" are becoming part and parcel of our inner rules, which regulate our behavior during the whole life.
this is bad
Sorrow
Disgust
this is bad
this is bad
this is bad
this is bad
this is bad
this is bad
Expressing emotions with a temperament and noise in full a child acquires a new experience actively. He enjoys, is sorrowful, angry or frightened he is living through his emotions in full and expresses the present state by voice, mimicry, movement, crying.
That is why children’s emotions are expressed brighter and more spontaneously because they do not have the experience of limitations and prohibitions yet.
Their attention and memory switch over new stimuli easily that is what is why the length of children’s emotions is shorter than the grown-ups’ one. Moreover, living through emotions actively demands more resourses, so children have to switch over to restore themselves.
Due to the peculiarities of the nervous system development children can not be in one state of mind for long, that is why their emotions are mobile and change one another swiftly.
you can change the emotion
Expressing emotions with a temperament and noise in full a child acquires a new experience actively. He enjoys, is sorrowful, angry or frightened he is living through his emotions in full and expresses the present state by voice, mimicry, movement, crying.
That is why children’s emotions are expressed brighter and more spontaneously because they do not have the experience of limitations and prohibitions yet.
Their attention and memory switch over new stimuli easily that is what is why the length of children’s emotions is shorter than the grown-ups’ one. Moreover, living through emotions actively demands more resourses, so children have to switch over to restore themselves.
Due to the peculiarities of the nervous system development children can not be in one state of mind for long, that is why their emotions are mobile and change one another swiftly.
you can change the emotion
It is necessary to point out, that children’s emotions tire their parents most of all
Very often children have to control their impulses: to speak calmer, to sit still, not to cry in order to be approved and supported by their parents. Children are not trained to recognize and express their emotions, they are trained to suppress them. As a result, during all their lives they have problems with an emotional sphere.
What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it?
What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it? What’s to be done to stop it?
TO NOTICE EMOTIONS
Yes, we can not always express our feelings immediately: you are talking to your boss, he is informing you of something unpleasant which makes you angry, but you can not shout at your boss. You have to control yourself and go on speaking calmly. It is important to start with short steps.
It is important to FIND the emotion in yourself. To notice what you are feeling now. Not all the people can define at once who or what has excited these feelings and how they can express ones. But the first step is to notice the emotion you are feeling at a given moment. Try to remember this sensation.
It is necessary to help a child learn about his/her emotions. His physical sensation exists far from words and the task of a grown-up is to unite a physical sensation with sense, to explain how it is called and why it happens.
It is important to explain to a child what is happening to him, how it looks like and what it means.
Thus, a child understands logical chains: what is happening to me, why, what situations cause these feelings, how I can control these emotions
«Yes, now you are upset and crying because you want to play outdoors but your Mum says it’s time to go home. I see that you are sad but it’s dinnertime and after dinner you’ll be able to play at home with your toys».
TO UNDERSTAND AND ACCCEPT EMOTIONS
If we try to describe our emotions at the first stage as well as to define what or who has excited them then it will be easier to accept them. Because our upbringing does not often allow us to ACCEPT our feelings.
It is important not to try to call this feeling at once, at first try to describe it. Are you calm or excited? Are your sensations similar to delight or far from satisfaction? Is there any concrete object, a person, an idea, maybe, which arouses these emotions?
To recognize emotions means to accept them, to agree with the fact that they are such. It is not important how society treats it. It is not important if they are proper or not. If I feel the emotion then it has the right to exist.
НАПРИМЕР
You notice that now you are feeling some emotion. What’s next?
Fir example, a young mother has been trying to calm down her baby for a very long time. It is absolutely normal that she can be irritated, angry, sad, powerless, offended, and feel lots of other negative emotions. But here social statements are switched on: “it’s bad to be angry with a baby”, “only bad mothers are irritated by their babies”. As a result, the woman denies that she is having these emotions as if they define her as a good or a bad mother.
The main thing for a grown-up to do at this point is to accept any emotions of a little human being without appreciation. It is important to show to a child that whatever is taking place you are on his/her side.
There will be enough people around trying to thrust on a child what he must do or not. Beginning from elderly ladies sitting on the benches till teachers at school — everybody likes teaching children but a child must know that his/her close grown-ups always support him in any case and it doesn’t depend on emotions he/she is having.
If a child can express any emotions then he/she will hardly ever have problems with acceptance and recognition of his/her emotions in the future. If it is not necessary to divide emotions into good and bad then there is no need to hide them.
TO EXPRESS EMOTIONS AND CONTROL THEM
So, we learnt to notice what kind of emotions we are having now, describe them and accept the fact that feeling these emotions is quite normal. The next question is how to express them.
It is necessary to understand that our emotions are always important for us, but are not always acceptable for others. That is why it is better to follow this scheme.
I am having emotions. To express them or not?
So, I am
work
at the party
in transport
The main rule is to let off steam: by words, tears, dances, shouts, letters, sport or creativity. The main thing is not lock them inside
If you are under circumstances which do not allow you to express your emotions as strong as you want, you can choose a more appropriate form. And if you still feel the tension, then later being in a more suitable place you can live through these feelings — shout, cry, hit your pillow or say loudly everything what you think about the impossible situation.
Non-verbal expression of emotions
People do not have extra-sensory perception and they do not know what you are feeling if you do not tell them. So, if you want somebody to know about your emotions say that.
Verbal expression of emotions
Not-verbal means everything apart from words. Movements, mimicry, breath, crying, shout, laughter, smile. We have always a wide range of possibilities to express our emotions. The stronger our feeling, the more active means of expression it requires. Look, when you are angry, you can lift your eyebrow frown, speak louder, shout, throw an object, fight (it is not worth doing, ok?)
Verbal means ‘words using a mouth”. We can TELL other people what we are feeling at the present moment. It is important to say about yourself (“I am irritated”, but not “you are irritating me”), to explain the reason (“I am irritated because you are listening to a very loud music and I can not concentrate”), to add a decision, if there is any (“please, do it quieter or put on your ear-phones”).
Children usually do not have any problems with expressing emotions during their first years of life: all their feelings are shown immediately outside. They are loud and persistent. Children will learn how to control their impulses and use communication skills in the future
In the first two passages we explained how to help a child recognize his/her feelings and understand them. The next step is to help a child name these emotions and use it to achieve his/her goals.
For example, a child wants to have a toy and is shouting. It is necessary to verbalize a situation and a decision: "I see that you want a toy and you are angry that you can not take it. You can say and I’ll understand you quicker and I’ll help you. Say ‘give me a toy' and I’ll give it to you".
TO PERCEIVE OTHER PEOPLE’S EMOTIONS
Often people who find it difficult to trace and express their emotions do not notice other people’s feelings or do not understand them correctly. So, the first step in understanding people is the work of recognition your own emotions.
On the whole, dealing with other people we follow the same principles: notice, describe, go in detail. If you are looking at a person and you do not understand what he is feeling now try to imagine what kind of emotions you would feel if you looked and behaved in the same way.
But if a person does not want or can not show his/her emotion, then its outer expressions can be neutral and misunderstandable. For example, if one is upset, but tries to hide it and show joy: we see a smile but sad eyes.
It is considered that expression of emotions is universal, it does not depend on age, sex and even culture. That is, for example, the joy of a 14-year-old schoolgirl from Denmark and the joy of a 60-year-old lorry driver from Peru will be expressed in the same way: smile, laughter, screwing up eyes.
We can ASK another person about his/her feelings, but we must always remember that it can not be done in some cultures or people are often not ready to speak about their emotions. It is necessary to be thoughtful and sympathetic to others’ emotions.
If you want to find out about another person’s emotion, it is better ask an exact question. The question “How are you?” is too general and it will probably confuse your interlocutor. Say, “it seems to me you are angry upset / sad now, but I am not sure, please, can you tell me what’s happening?”
If a person avoids the answer or tells a joke it is not worth asking more. It is normal that people are not always ready to discuss their emotions and are not ready to do it with everybody.
If you want to find out about another person’s emotion, it is better ask an exact question. The question “How are you?” is too general and it will probably confuse your interlocutor. Say, “it seems to me you are angry upset / sad now, but I am not sure, please, can you tell me what’s happening?”
If a person avoids the answer or tells a joke it is not worth asking more. It is normal that people are not always ready to discuss their emotions and are not ready to do it with everybody.
The main thing here is to explain to a child what you feel and why. When you are laughing, getting angry, sad, frightened, surprised tell a child why it is happening. Details can be omitted. Just explain to a child what the reason of your reaction was, how it is called and what it means.
I was frightened and upset because I thought I had lost my phone. It would have been very sad because I would have had to buy a new one and to spend money, moreover, I would have lost the photos, which I love very much. But I’ve found my phone in another pocket and I am very happy.
Be happy, when you feel it. Be sad when you feel it. Recognize your emotions and do not be afraid of them!
The project was realized by «Boiling Point»:
Ksenia Nadeina. A psychologist and psychophysiologist, she has worked in science, clinical and counseling practice, and has produced and launched educational projects.
This project began in April 2022, during which time she moved more than 30 times, twice was left without a home and money, three times was in despair, four times she believed in herself and continued to connect with colleagues, gather information and write materials, which we have posted here.
This project began in April 2022, during which time she moved more than 30 times, twice was left without a home and money, three times was in despair, four times she believed in herself and continued to connect with colleagues, gather information and write materials, which we have posted here.
Text by
Sophia Bezhanova. She is 9 years old, likes comixes, anime and manga, is inspired by them. She always draws, her illustrations is a separate world, where she lives after classes.
Agnia Molotkova. Agnia lives in London, she is 16. She has recently left school and is studying to be an interface designer.
Agnia Molotkova. Agnia lives in London, she is 16. She has recently left school and is studying to be an interface designer.
Illustrations by
Special thanks to the psychologists and my good friends who helped create this project - Lisa, Eva and Katya.
The only thing I want to conclude this paper with is to remind us: "Love your emotions as the highest value, cherish them, study and develop them. Emotions are the taste, the color and the sound of our lives. Regardless of how your life tastes right now, it is your emotions that will inform you and steer you in the right direction."
WHAT IS RECOMMENDED FOR READING ABOUT EMOTIONS?
Sand I.
Compass of emotions. (In Russian)
Ilyin E.P.
Emotions and feelings. (In Russian)
Ozard K. A.
Psycology of emotions. (In Russian)
Ackman P.
Psycology of emotions. I knew what you feel. (In Russian)
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